Tiny Heartbeats

As you probably know, this is my fourth pregnancy. I've gone through three full pregnancies. Do you know what you do at every single appointment? You listen to the heartbeat. That tiny, super-fast baby heartbeat. In fact, in a lot of those middle appointments, all you do is hear the heartbeat. I figure I've been to around 40 prenatal appointments. Yes, that tiny heartbeat is always good to hear, but I admit it has become a little less exciting than it was that first time. In fact, a week ago Tuesday, I went to my monthly appointment and later commented on the hour I spent entertaining Joey in the waiting room and in the exam room for 15 seconds of heartbeat listening.

Well I now take back my lackadaisical attitude toward the heartbeat ritual.

Last Sunday at around 3:45 in the afternoon I started to bleed. I started to bleed A LOT! A lot, a lot, a lot. More than any pregnant lady should unless she has just given birth. Well, and then I guess she's not really pregnant anymore so still more than any pregnant lady ever should. I was...I don't know how to describe what I was feeling. I was panicked, and devastated, and shocked, and scared, and panicked (did I say that already?), and I don't know, everything else you might imagine.

And most of all, I was pretty sure of what had just happened.

Well, obviously we up and ran to the hospital. Once in the ER, we sat around and waited (while the most inept medical team drifted in and out not listening to me for hours. No seriously, I think it was the third nurse I'd seen, who stated she would be "my" nurse, asked me if this was different from my regular menstrual bleeding...uh...yeah...mostly because I'm 14 weeks pregnant. "OH! Okay" was her reply. Seriously. Don't go to the ER on Sunday evening. ) Anyway, for close to two hours, I laid there and continued to bleed...A LOT. A lot, a lot, a lot.

Finally, as we neared the two hour mark, they finally wheeled me into the ultrasound room. Though I had been dying for them to do this for almost two hours, as the time finally came, I was terrified to confirm what I was all but certain of.

Well the nice ultrasound lady finally got started. She put the little magic wand thingy on my belly and for the first few seconds I just saw some circle-y things and was trying to figure out what I was looking at. And then, all of a sudden that sweet, tiny, baby heartbeat came blasting through the speakers!

Of course it was all I had hoped for, but didn't dare to wish for. I still, almost a week later, am amazed that that tiny heartbeat was still there and going strong after all I had just been though. It still seems impossible that this little baby is still in there and kicking.

Well, after about a half an hour of looking at everything from every angle you could possibly imagine, the tech said she couldn't see anything wrong. A half an hour later we got the same report from the doctor and from the radiologist.

I thought that was good and bad. Obviously I was thrilled that nothing seemed to be wrong with the baby! Though, still wondering why all that had happened. They said go home and rest and see your doctor as soon as you can.

So the next day, I went to my OB. With another ultrasound, now almost a day later, he was able to see more blood building up around the placenta and it looked like it was coming from a little tear where the placenta is coming away from the wall. Right now it's just little--only like 10%. It could be fine the whole rest of the pregnancy, or it could keep bleeding, and/or it could get worse. I'm on pelvic rest for now and will see my doctor again next week. The hardest part is that my poor baby Joey is so sad and wondering why I won't pick him up anymore :( It is breaking my heart. But of course it is worth it for the baby. (And I still cuddle him all that I can on my lap!)

So for now I'm good. And most of all, I am so grateful for tiny, baby heartbeats.